Jack: Hey Deacon, what brings you up into these remote parts? I’ve just got the fire started for some morning coffee. Take a load off those weary old bones of yours, and you can have some. And I’m going to have a few pancakes before I set off today. We can share those too if you want some. I’ve got a dab of honey left, and some blackberries to go with it.

Deacon: I was camping over at Curry’s Grove and thought I’d make a quick trip across Hook’s Pass this morning to see you. I’d like to invite you to come to town weekend after next to go to church with me. We’re having a special Religious Toleration Sunday, and we’re all out collecting people of different faiths to tolerate that Sunday.

Jack. Forgive my laughing, but the way you stated that sounded like maybe you wanted to barbecue me or something.

Deacon: Speaking of barbecue, I’ll even pay for a free ticket for you to the Pig Pickin’ we’re having afterwards. That’s worth $10 just by itself. And you wouldn’t need to shave your head or wear any Buddhist stuff to appear authentic. A fresh bath and some respectable Sunday clothes is all you’d need. I’d introduce you as Buddhist, so people could tell you weren’t Christian.

Jack: Pig Pickin’? That sounds pretty disgusting.

Deacon: It’s something Brother Figg came up with. He’s from down South, and he’s doing it for us. You get a whole pig, and roast it whole over a big pit fire, and then when it’s just right, you just start cutting what you want right off the bones.

Jack: Yuck. I’m not even remotely interested, Deacon. You should have looked up Buddhism in your old dusty encyclopedias before you came up here.

Deacon: Well, of course you wouldn’t have to go to that. But your attendance would still be good thing for the toleration Rev. Bibleright says we need to teach to our children. So far, we’ve got a Mormon coming, and a Jehovah’s Witness. Emma says her cousin over at Silver City knows a Muslim we might be able to get. And there’s a couple of Catholics that we’re working on. We can’t find any Jews to invite.

Jack: What about Peter Jones? He’s an atheist. He’d be a real prize. You’d impress everyone if you brought him in. And he’d love your Pig Pickin’.

Deacon: An atheist is too extreme. I don’t think the congregation would feel very kindly toward him, since atheists are responsible for all the godlessness in the country today.

Jack: Why are you even bothering with religious toleration? I just don’t think you get the point.

Deacon: As Rev. Bibleright’s explained it, we do it to honor the Puritans that came to this country to establish religious freedom. And we do it so that others will tolerate our views on abortion and the science of creation. And here’s the really good part, when we do this, we sow the seeds of toleration so that if we ever become a minority, we won’t be persecuted. Good Bible karma as you’d probably say.

Jack: When I saw you amble up this morning, I thought you’d just come up with a new conversion technique to try out on me. This is worse than that. The Puritans weren’t much interested in general religious freedom at all. They just wanted a place where they could be in charge of religious and state affairs. They killed Catholics, Quakers, and made up witches to burn when they ran out of other heretics to harass. Our Founding Fathers, the wisest of which were either agnostic or very weakly Christian, insisted on religious freedom because they clearly saw and remembered the endless European fighting inside and outside countries as various religious factions tried to seize the reins of government and rule things to eliminate the heretics du jour. It’s amazing that an American would have this all mixed up.

Deacon: Well I might be wrong on that point but the other two are still good enough reasons. And of course we want to set a good example for our children.

Jack: Those points aren’t any good either. Toleration of your views on abortion and creation science isn’t what you want at all. You want those to be imposed on others by means of the government. And trying to hedge your bet against future persecution by being nice now, is just plain old human cleverness without any religious significance at all.

Jack: Do you have any respect for people on other religious paths at all? Or is your love of mankind like the childhood ditty: “In your heart, you’ve got to try, To love their souls until they fry.”

Deacon: Well, I do believe in absolute right and wrong, unlike you relativists. I’m sorry to say that it’s either hell or heaven at the end of life. I didn’t make up the rules of life; they were made by a divine loving father.

Jack: Your theology sometimes makes you be a worse person than you naturally are. In a lot of ways, you’re a pretty kind person. A Buddhist would give you credit for that. What you actually do can trump what you think you believe. The believing part is only important because many people are so dazed by their beliefs they act in accordance with them even if they have to destroy their own innate kindness and goodwill to do so.

Deacon: Do you think everyone is going to heaven? Even child molestors and Saddam Hussein? And Muslims and Christians together?

Jack: I can’t answer your question simply, and I don’t have enough time to explain what I think clearly. So, I’ll use an analogy to answer one aspect of the question. I think the Buddha got the value of pi right, 3.14….. because he understood what it was based on. Some Christians have figured out it’s close to 3; some think it’s more than 2, and a few think it’s 0 or -1. Those that are closer are going to have a lot easier time with the world, than those who are trying to make it fit into the world as -1. And those stuck on -1 may have to suffer a lot, before they’re willing to give up their notion of pi to start looking for something closer.

In the final analysis, being Buddhist, Muslim, Christian, atheist, etc. isn’t ultimately important in figuring out the value of pi, except that rigid belief in some erroneous value will keep one from continuing the search. Religious toleration then comes from respect for the honest search for truth, and a rejection of the premise that any belief, even in the right value of pi, is the same as understanding directly how the value of pi was derived.

Deacon: You’re pretty longwinded for a Buddhist. I would like some of those cakes though, if you won’t offer them to any of your idols first. I can’t eat food that’s been offered to heathen gods.

Jack: Idols and heathen gods! Where do you get this stuff? The cakes will come right out of the pan onto your plate, and you can dedicate and eat them any way you want.

It’s really tempting to return your “heathen” remarks as some easy shots at your Christian beliefs in sacrifices and freshly spilled blood to appease your God. In reality, your character is much better than stuff like that. You make your living as a used car dealer, a vocation not noted for deep integrity. Customers seeking a trade-in lie a bit about the POJ they want credit for. Competitors lie about your operation in hopes of selling something themselves. People wanting something almost beg for assurances about longevity that can’t reasonably be assessed at all. Despite swimming in that pond, you are one of the most honest people I’ve run across. I could even send my clueless Aunt Susan to you and not worry about her getting cheated. Last winter, you helped Helen out when most of the rest of the town turned against her – not that she’s easy to help. She most certainly won’t ever darken the door of any church, so I know you weren’t trying to win any soul there.

I don’t know whether or not your character is due to your Christian beliefs or not. And my point here is that it doesn’t matter. I would do you a great disservice as a human being if I let my label of you as a Christian blind me so that I couldn’t see what you actually do. And my belief is that what you actually do is what counts most.

So here, help yourself to some unheathen pancakes. You can Christianize them if you want by saying some sort of grace to yourself. But I hope you like them, whatever religious flavor they end up with.

Deacon: These are good… Yum. … Yeah, and thanks.